


Trade-Off

by jvnsen



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 08:57:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14870711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jvnsen/pseuds/jvnsen
Summary: When you come out to the entire world, it's bound to make you panic a little.





	Trade-Off

**Author's Note:**

> i actually wrote this immediately after the end of year 3, and I kept thinking I was going to add to it, but that never happened, so.. I just wanted to get this out of my google docs before year 4 began. we'll just call it a ficlet and pretend it was never meant to be a full fic.

Bitty tried to breathe, but it felt like the air got stuck in his lungs and refused to go any farther. He could feel himself choking, and the one thing his body wanted to do was breathe, but he couldn’t. 

His hands were shaking and he knew, distantly, he was crying. He was panicking, which only made it worse. He didn’t understand how breathing used to be something that came naturally when now it felt impossible. 

“Bits. Bitty. It’s okay. Just breathe. You’re okay.” 

Arms wrapped around him, and his head was gently pushed between his knees. He spent minutes, hours, gasping for breath. He didn’t think this feeling would ever pass; it was as though he’d never be able to breathe properly again.

He did eventually catch his breath, but his anxiety was replaced with bone deep exhaustion. He was still shaking, and he didn’t even want to think about - what caused this all. His brain and his body couldn’t deal with it. He didn’t know how he was supposed to deal with it at all.

“Let’s go lay down, okay bud? We can just go lay down for a while.”

-

Bitty woke with the sun in his eyes. He rolled over and dug his face into his pillow, and it took a few moments to remember. His eyes felt sore and puffy from crying, and his whole body still felt exhausted from the panic. 

He felt a hand on his back, and he lifted his head to look at Jack.

“Hi, honey.” His voice cracked, and he grimaced. 

“Hey, bud. You feeling any better?”

Bitty shrugged, and he could feel tears gathering in his eyes again. He felt stupid, crying again, but after his panic attack, he felt even more sensitive, like anything could set him off. 

“Oh, Bits.” Jack put his hand on his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. 

“I just - got overwhelmed. My mom keeps calling. I have Facebook messages from family members that I can’t even bear to open. And my youtube - Um. I had notifications on for my comments, since you know I like responding to everyone. But. I guess I forgot, outside my little niche, there’s some really mean people on the internet. And -. I have those vlogs where I talk about you. And God, my twitter.” Bitty laughs, but it just makes his chest ache all over again. “It feels like being locked in that closet all over again, except instead of the football team it’s the whole world who wants to hurt me.”

Jack just stares at him, and Bitty immediately regrets his word vomit. “I mean, I just - it’s not that bad. I knew what was going to happen. I just, um, need some time to adjust, I guess.”

“Bitty, you don’t - you shouldn’t have to adjust to this. Maybe we shouldn’t have -”

“Jack Zimmermann, I don’t regret it at all. It’s just going to be difficult to get used to. But,” Bitty smiles weakly, “I think it’s a fair trade for getting to hold your hand in public.” 

“It’s not fair… It isn’t fair at all. But Bits, hockey or you? I pick you. Every time. So if, if something isn’t working… tell me. So we can figure it out.”

“Oh, Jack. I would never ask you to give up hockey. We’ll be okay. I just need some time to process, okay? But I love you, more than anything, and that makes everything else worth it.”

“We’ll get through this. I love you, too.” Jack kisses his forehead.


End file.
